Strangeness In The Night

Don't ask me about that header... I remember it's a song of some kind, plus, this article is going to be about a strange yet intriguing song. You know, one of those songs that make you think "What the hell is this? Damn, this is kinda good". Or whatever, that's not the point. Read on.

Anaal Nathrakh - Pandemonic Hyperblast
Now this is a divider. There are those who absolutely hate this song (they hold their ears in agony while listening to this one) and then there are those who like this song. I belong to the latter. Alright, let's cut to the chase: this song sounds like Angela Gossow (from Arch Enemy) giving birth to Disneyland and The Statue Of Liberty at the same time. This could very well also be the sounds coming from the victims of Tshernobyl Nuclear Reactor back in 1987 (What a great year... mm, microwave-toasted kids... Like me. See, the radioactivity doesn't really affect people. Right? ...Shut up, the extra arm is good for drumming). Anyways, to keep the story simple and short, I will try to describe the song for all you wussies that don't have enough guts to listen to it: Ever heard how a pig sounds when it's on fire? No? Well, I think you can imagine. Now the next time your dad is changing the light bulb, turn on the lightswitch when he has his fingers in the socket. Record the whole incident. Now, mix the sounds coming from your dad to the ones from the piggy. There, you have the Anaal Nathrakh's "singer" simulated. Oh, the agony. Mmm... Smells like pork ribs.

Next up, the nuclear blast behind the singing. Also known as "other instruments". Well, since I don't see the point of examining the tormenting sounds too carefully, I will make the effort of describing all the sounds as one. The simulation went pretty well in the previous chapter, so I will use the same thing here. Fasten your seatbelts, dear travelers. All hands are to be kept inside the ride at all times.

What you need: 1 car, 3 chainsaws, 1 drumkit, 1 hammer, 7 elderly people and 1 guitar toned all the way down so it sounds like Jabba The Hut passing gas. What you need to do: open up the engine room of the car, connect the cylinders to the drumkit so every cylinder will give the bass drum a kick. Fire up the chainsaws (mind your legs, dear metalhead, you are not made from steel after all). You think this is chaotic? You haven't heard anything yet. Now, gather the old-timers around an table and give 'em each a "Bingo!" paper. Now play with them, and at some point yell "BINGO!!". That should start the chaos. Next, get in the car, rev like never before (making the cylinders beat the bass). Get your guitar and throw out punishing riffs as fast as you can. Rev some more. Yell at those elders to shut the fuck up, usually that has the reverse effect on them. More sounds, ahh, ISN'T THAT JUST GREAT! Now get your hammer and smash the guitar to million and one pieces! Just for the hell of it, piss on it. Now, get one or two of the chainsaws and hack up the car (that goddamn no-good shit, it deserves to die anyway). All done. Mix this chaos up with the singer-tape we made earlier, and voila! You have your own Pandemonic Hyperblast.

We sure had some fun doing that! Now, don't come whining to me if you injured yourself in the process. And no, I WON'T buy you a new pig or a dad.
For those who are intellectually challenged, the name of the song is also a link.
And to all those who feel offended by this post......I really don't give a shit.

As all good things, this one has an end. And it's right here. See you again with my next post, stay tuned.